it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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