you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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