Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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