Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
