The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
