It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
