he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
