You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
