Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
