You smell like stripper and shame
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i think i just lost a toe
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
