At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
