Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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