I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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