I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
