I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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