Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
