Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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