i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
