I wannas sexs uuuuu
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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