I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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