Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Be still, my beating vagina.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
