I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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