My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
