I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
