This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
