You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
