NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
