If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
