i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
