I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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