Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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