I feel great
I just peed on a car
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
