I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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