A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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