saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently you make a good broom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
