He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
