DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
