I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
