That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
