this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
