Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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