Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
