You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
