Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize