New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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