On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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