I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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