Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
