hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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