dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
