I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
