Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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