That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Panties = found
Randomize
