There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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