I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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