My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
