I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
