We're like a lot better than the average bears
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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