Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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