he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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