One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize