Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
