Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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