I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
