tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
