Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
