where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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