The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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