So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
