I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
